Unfettered Faith

“Give it to God”. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard/been told this in varying forms and phrases. Over the years, my interpretation and participation has morphed with the growth of my faith. In the very beginning, I would pray for God to take my (insert word here) and I would silently say “God, I’m giving this to you.” That was the extent to which I was capable of letting go. I said the words, but my mind would still worry and I’d still carry the burden of whatever it was that I was supposed to be giving to God. After all, the problem was still present regardless of how many times I said “take it”. What I didn’t fully grasp at the time was that giving my problems to God didn’t mean they disappeared. More so that my anxiety and worry over them did. The issue was still as present as ever, but my mind was no longer troubled by the outcome. Giving it to God didn’t mean scooping up the offense and holding it in the air for some unseen force to lift away from me. It meant trusting that God would work out the situation in the way it needed to work out, and that my faith in Him was greater than my worry over the outcome. 

My entire adult life, I have always walked in the knowledge that whatever happens in my life, I will continue on and things will work out in the way they are supposed to. I have always accepted that the outcomes will yield something good, whether it be for myself or someone else. There is always a purpose. That being said, I can’t say that I ever really actively trusted God. I knew I’d be ok, but I never actually stopped stressing over things. The more familiar with the concept I became, the more I tried. But it’s one of those “you don’t know until you know” kind of things. You understand the theory. You’ve watched the tutorial video and read the instructions. You even read the reviews and understood how valuable this asset is. But the actual doing part is somewhat elusive. We are so rooted in having control that giving it up is completely foreign. Not just in a “that’s uncomfortable” way. But in a real, tangible “I do not know how to do this” way. It goes against the very nature of everything we know. We are taught that when we let go of control, we lose our security, stability, and safety. 

I think the very first time that I actually trusted God without reservation was this year. My lease ends on Christmas Eve. It was a two year lease, so my rent has been locked into a fairly low amount compared to what the market has been increasing to since 2022. I’m a single income household, so when it comes to “plan B”, there really isn’t one. I have no padding to fall back on, save for a very small amount of money in a savings account. I’d say my anxiety really escalated around March of this year. I wish I could tell you the exact moment that I decided that God would handle this, but I can’t. I just know that at some point, I told God that I knew He would make this work. 

The job I was in was a salaried position with no option for extra income. I knew my rent would increase, that much was absolutely certain. Other apartments like my own were renting out for five to six hundred dollars more than mine. So I knew I was going to need more income to accommodate said increase. A job opportunity opened up. It was one that I really didn’t want to take. It would put me back into an unhealthy situation that I’d spent almost a year trying to recover from. So I prayed on it. A lot. One by one, pieces started to fall into place that made it almost impossible to deny that God was lining this opportunity up for me. Pieces that fit exactly. So I had another talk with God and accepted that this was my path and that He would see me through whatever emotional/mental fallout was to come from moving back into that environment. He did. It wasn’t easy, by any means. I took the job in May, and honestly hit some pretty low points. Low, but manageable as I knew that a) I have survived and triumphed over lower places, and b) God will never give me more than I can handle and He will always be there to see me through to the other side. 

I continued to believe that He would handle my housing issue. Not that I didn’t do my own part. I saved what I could, and watched the rentals in the area for price drops. I knew that trusting God didn’t 100% equate to staying in my current apartment. It could mean that we would have to leave, and if we did, I would have the funds to ensure that was possible. I began to mentally calculate which friends I could depend on to offer up a couch to crash on if we did have to leave, but couldn’t find an affordable place. I knew that we would be ok. I just didn’t know which option we were going to take yet. In September, I requested a meeting with my leasing office. I knew they couldn’t tell me what my rent would increase to, but I was hoping they could offer some sort of insight into what other units were going up to. In the state of Florida, there is zero protection for renters when it comes to rent increases. There is no limit or maximum amount that a lease can be raised by. In fact, there are very few protections in place for renters at all when it comes to lease renewals. I entered the meeting with my notebook of questions, mentally prepared for the worst but hoping for good news. They confirmed that they had my lease renewal completed, but that they were not going to present it to me until 5 days prior to the deadline for me to give my written notice to move out. Then they said that the company had decided that they were going to implement a 5% cap on rent increases this year. Just for some perspective, my previous rent increases had been at least a 20% increase. We finished our conversation and I gathered my things and left. I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I barely made it to my car before I was in tears. Overwhelming relief and joy took center stage, and then incredible awe. Awe that my faith and trust in God was rewarded. Awe that when I finally understood what it was to hand Him my trouble, He carried my fears and granted me peace. He provided for us in the best possible way that this situation could have worked out. We do not have to move (b/c that in itself is such a pain). We do not have to shell out thousands of dollars for a new place. We can decorate for and celebrate Christmas peacefully. My son will not have to change schools. I will not have to find a different (or second) job. And I don’t have to patch all the holes in my walls yet. (I drill first and measure second). 

I wish I could give this the explanation that it deserves. This feeling of safety and love is like nothing else. I understand now how to “give it to God”. It is one of those tricky things that is so challenging to accomplish, yet when you do finally achieve it and look back, you’re amazed at the simplicity of what you had to do to get there. I have since been able to trust God with several other areas of struggle in my life. Being able to do so has opened up such a feeling of ease. It’s like floating on a lazy river. I can lay my head back and close my eyes. I don’t have to constantly tread water. I don’t have to fight the current. I don’t have to worry that I will be taken off my course. I am protected. I am safe. I can rest. I can let go, and let God.